Miscarriage, Ectopic Pregnancy, Molar Pregnancy
Everyone’s experience of miscarriage is different – and there is no right or wrong way to feel about it.
Here is what some people have said:
I’ve never cried so much in my whole life. I was walking about with an empty feeling where I should have been holding my baby.
I keep on thinking it’s a punishment. I must have done something wrong.
I was very upset for about an hour after the scan. And then I felt sad and disappointed, which lessened over the next couple of weeks.
Miscarriage (like ectopic and molar pregnancy) can be a very unhappy and frightening experience, for women and their partners. For many people, even a very early miscarriage means the loss of their baby and all the hopes and plans they had for their future.
Some people are upset at the time but recover quickly. Others cope well at first, but find that the pain of their loss hits them later. Quite often, people are surprised and shocked by how much miscarriage affects them.
How you feel will depend on your circumstances, your experience of miscarriage and what the pregnancy meant to you. This might have been particularly special pregnancy, for example; or you may have had previous losses. You may be worrying about your chances of conceiving again, or about miscarrying again if you do. You and your partner may feel much the same way or have very different reactions. You may not have a partner or other support and might feel very alone.
All these things can affect how you feel about your miscarriage and how long it takes for you to recover. But it is perfectly normal to feel any or all of these:
- Sad and tearful, perhaps more than you expect.
- Shocked, especially if there were no warning signs.
- Anxious or confused about what is happening and what might happen in the future.
- Numb – unable to feel anything.
- Angry – at fate, at your partner, at medical staff or just at the unfairness of it all.
- Jealous, especially of other pregnant women or those with new babies.
- Guilty – wondering whether you were somehow to blame.
- Empty and lonely.
- Panicky and out of control.
- Unable to cope with everyday life.
It is also common to feel loss in physical ways. Some women find they feel very tired, even some time after the miscarriage. You may also have headaches or stomach-aches, be constipated, have diarrhoea, or find it hard to sleep. These symptoms will probably disappear in time, but if you feel worried about them, it might be a good idea to talk to your GP.
Sometimes there are individual circumstances or particular kinds of loss which can make things even harder to cope with. If you have had recurrent miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy, a molar pregnancy, a late miscarriage (after 14 weeks of pregnancy) or fertility problems, you may need extra care and support.
It can take time to recover emotionally after a miscarriage – anything from days to weeks or even months. You may find returning to work or your usual routine helps you through, or you may need time out until you feel better.
Even when you start to feel better, you may still have some tough times. You might get upset when you have your first period; the bleeding can remind you of the miscarriage and the fact that you are no longer pregnant. You might find pregnancy or birth announcements hard to take. The day the baby was due or the anniversary of the loss might be particularly upsetting. But there will come a time when your feelings ease.
It can help to have support from someone who understands or to read about different people’s experiences and feelings. Both can make you feel less alone and help you through difficult times.